dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
