Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
