So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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