I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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