In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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