dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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