Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
