I CAN MOONWALK!
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
tell me about the fingering
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
