Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
