i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
