It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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