Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
