i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
