My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
