you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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