Moan for me like Helen Keller
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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