A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
