i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
