there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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