I wish I could punch you in the face.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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