I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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