She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize