They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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