I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
