An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
