So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
