This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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