i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
