I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
