My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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