everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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