so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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