Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
