It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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