I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
