He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
