I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
