Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
