Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
