My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
