help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
