my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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