you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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