My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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