I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
