margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
