unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
