Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
