dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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