True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
