Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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