Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
