the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
