Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
