Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
