the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
