My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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