WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize