shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
