VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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