Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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