i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
