Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
